the speaking tree - Choose And Nurture Your Relationships
H H The Gyalwang Drukpa
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Human relationships, especially the positive ones, should grow and become deeper and more genuine as time goes by . This is a grea support for one's own life. One hopes that a partner is there to boost your understanding and spirituality and to make life more colourful, so it is important to choose carefully .We should nurture and keep warm and positive our relationships with other human beings, trees, flowers, everything in this universe. Genuine spiritual life can be very lonely if you don't have support from friends and beings who are there constantly to keep you on track. But this kind of support is a reciprocal relationship sometimes you reach out first, sometimes others reach out to you. We don't live in this world or universe all by ourselves; we are connected with each other. Even if you are the most powerful person on earth, what does that power matter without any love or support?
Just like happiness, we often put our focus within our relationships in the wrong places. We dwell on the misunderstandings and forget all the things we have in common and what we love about each other. This happens a great deal between long-term companions and also between parents and children. `You just don't understand me' is thrown out there while all the times where we have shown love and compassion are often forgotten. Doubt is the number-one killer of our motivation and intention to be a good being and of our relationships with others.
Just as you can find happiness within you, you can find love. And, happily , the steps are the same. The first step is to take a bit of time to remember, acknowledge and appreciate all the good things. Once you retain that sense of appreciation you can begin to look at the hurts in a more constructive and healing way , without bitterness and anger. You can get back to the basics and shine a light on anything positive, then gently talk about things that need resolving or just a bit of airing and letting go.
Gratitude within relationships gives them a warm glow; and just as the way to bring happiness into your life is to bring happiness to others, if you can give a partner what they truly need rather than simply what you want to give them, their gratitude will repay you in their smile and their easiness, making your life easy too.
Ask yourself what your partner, your friend, even your work really needs. If they are boss at work really needs. If they are thirsty , don't show your love with flowers; give them water. If they are tired, let them sleep. This comes from genuine, unconditional understanding, from listening and putting your own needs and desires aside as you give others what they need. It's not about being controlled by others, which is how so many relationships now exist. Look beneath any surface layers of control to what a person truly needs, which is basically love and compassion, and try to fulfil that need. Give that person freedom and you will become free yourself.
If we see the relationship with our partner as our first act of kindness then we can begin to talk about doing the same for our neighbours, colleagues, community , even country .It all starts with mutual respect for each other and the simple law that if you make others happy you are bound to be happy , too. (`Everyday Enlightenment' with Kate Adams.)
Just like happiness, we often put our focus within our relationships in the wrong places. We dwell on the misunderstandings and forget all the things we have in common and what we love about each other. This happens a great deal between long-term companions and also between parents and children. `You just don't understand me' is thrown out there while all the times where we have shown love and compassion are often forgotten. Doubt is the number-one killer of our motivation and intention to be a good being and of our relationships with others.
Just as you can find happiness within you, you can find love. And, happily , the steps are the same. The first step is to take a bit of time to remember, acknowledge and appreciate all the good things. Once you retain that sense of appreciation you can begin to look at the hurts in a more constructive and healing way , without bitterness and anger. You can get back to the basics and shine a light on anything positive, then gently talk about things that need resolving or just a bit of airing and letting go.
Gratitude within relationships gives them a warm glow; and just as the way to bring happiness into your life is to bring happiness to others, if you can give a partner what they truly need rather than simply what you want to give them, their gratitude will repay you in their smile and their easiness, making your life easy too.
Ask yourself what your partner, your friend, even your work really needs. If they are boss at work really needs. If they are thirsty , don't show your love with flowers; give them water. If they are tired, let them sleep. This comes from genuine, unconditional understanding, from listening and putting your own needs and desires aside as you give others what they need. It's not about being controlled by others, which is how so many relationships now exist. Look beneath any surface layers of control to what a person truly needs, which is basically love and compassion, and try to fulfil that need. Give that person freedom and you will become free yourself.
If we see the relationship with our partner as our first act of kindness then we can begin to talk about doing the same for our neighbours, colleagues, community , even country .It all starts with mutual respect for each other and the simple law that if you make others happy you are bound to be happy , too. (`Everyday Enlightenment' with Kate Adams.)
