Building blocks for self-awareness

 

Only from deeper self-knowledge can tangible growth and transformation be set in motion. This is where feedback comes into play

You know that feeling when someone begins to tell you about yourself, when a churning sensation takes over at the pit of the belly and you brace for the bite of being told something unsavoury about yourself — a physiological response to “What do they really think about me?” Nothing good or bad about this feeling that lingers, as you soften to listen-in to your impact on someone else. A pity that many of us are unfamiliar with this experience of receiving solicited feedback, in the course of living and growing up.

While self-improvement or self-awareness are now familiar individual quests, the inherent role of feedback for holistic acceptance and growth has not gathered steam. There’s another angle to this status quo. While the art of giving feedback is important and intricate on its own, the ability to seek and allow feedback — as insights and building blocks for self-awareness — is not yet an integral part of the self-improvement tool-kit. Please note that feedback, here, refers to constructive feedback from someone with the skill, awareness and intention to do so.

Johari Window

So, let’s begin from there. The idea being expanding our understanding and interpretation of ourselves with the allowance and acceptance of feedback. The Johari Window with its four quadrants of human interaction is an efficient model to illustrate this. Created by psychologists Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in 1955, this simple tool is used primarily in self-help groups and corporate settings as a heuristic exercise to deepen self-awareness and understanding.

Imagine a quadrant with four equal parts — Open, Hidden, Blind and Unknown. As the names suggest, the Blind square refers to our blind spots that we are unaware of but are visible to others. The Hidden square covers all aspects that we hide from others. Simply put, once our intention is to be deeply aware of our beliefs, triggers and patterns of behaviour, we will need to expand the walls of the Open square (self-awareness). This expansion naturally widens into the Hidden or Unknown parts about us, and improve our knowledge of self.

On an individual level, the tool helps people understand what others see in them. We cannot improve what we don’t know and don’t see. Once we decide to change that, we sow the seeds of Trust in the process. At its core, the Johari Window is hinged to trust. The success of this virtual window of opportunity lies in the honesty of an individual’s quest to enhance self-awareness; and their earnestness to understand the self, better. Only from deeper self-knowledge can tangible growth and transformation be set in motion. And once we trust enough to seek feedback, the choice of the person is critical since the invitation to feedback and the act of revealing information to someone, is a partnership of trust.

Equality is important

Yet another prerequisite of a successful feedback loop is for the giver and receiver to feel equal in the process. Feedback is rarely constructive when a person is speaking from a position of superiority to the receiver. An ideal feedback session is collaborative.

If you are the one chosen to offer feedback, be the bearer of responsible observation. Describe what you experienced. Make feedback about sharing what you saw and how it made you feel. Begin with “This is how that came across to me,” or “This is what made me think”. When you relay your reaction in specific detail, you are not judging, giving rating or fixing the person; you’re simply sharing their one-off impact, made in a moment, in an action or behaviour — as experienced by you. And precisely because it isn’t a judgment, it is, at once, more powerful.

Source: The Hindu, 18/09/21

Nivedita Das Narayan

Barack Obama, the professor

His greatness was that he appeared above politics. In retrospect, that was also his weakness.

Barack Obama’s last address as president was, as his speeches often were, a master class in democratic values and sheer decency: It pointed out the dangers to democracy posed by intolerance, racial division, inequality, aggressive political posturing and an obtuseness towards confronting the facts. It was curiously paradoxical. On the one hand, it affirmed great faith in democracy, reiterated a basic trust that democracy requires. On the other hand, Obama was pointed in his criticism of the electorate. “We sit back and blame the leaders we elect, without examining our role in electing them.” It says something about Obama’s legacy that a poignant call on behalf of democracy should have a touch of admonition about it.
Few politicians in history can match Obama’s sense of occasion, exemplary personal conduct, eloquence, moral delicacy and high-mindedness. The reassuring calm, the complete absence of rancour, scandal, bitterness and the extraordinary intelligence that characterised his presidency have few precedents. He may have made mistakes, but he never appeared small; he wielded power but with a keen sense of its moral paradoxes. In one word, Obama was a class act of the like we rarely see in politics.
While Obama still remains personally popular, it is difficult not to wonder and express regret at the deep paradoxes at the heart of his presidency. His achievements are considerable. It is often said of politicians that a true measure of their legacy emerges not in years, but in decades. Nevertheless, the sheer contrast between the man and the country he hands over to Donald Trump begs unpacking. How could a presidency so above partisanship leave such a bitterly divided country? How could the promise of a post-racial America, always a tall order, unleash a deeper racist politics? How did the politics of hope convert so quickly into a politics of fear? And how did the politics of reason slip into atavism on his watch? How did the achievement of saving the American economy translate into despondency about its future? How could Obama prepare the ground for Trump? These are large questions that cannot be unpacked in a column. They require a deep engagement with the economic and social forces shaping the world. But they also raise interesting questions about Obama’s political style, and his quest for objectivity. His greatness was that he appeared above politics; in retrospect that was also a weakness.
The most persistent criticism of Obama was that he was always “professorial.” The idea of a politics that could rise above partisanship, a voice of reconciliation that could see the warring parties from on high and grasp the truth in each position, had always an element of fantasy to it. It underestimated the underlying rancour and division that already characterised society. For an alarmingly significantsection, Obama’s election was itself an affront; his call for bipartisanship was never going to be reciprocated. The fundamental challenge of politics is that in the final analysis your opponents have no incentive to create the conditions under which you succeed. The claim of being above partisanship infuriates partisans of both sides even more; to them it seems to express moral contempt for the ordinary drivers of politics. Obama was a metaphysical conservative. To those impatient for radical change, he was disappointing: While he saved the economy with a deft hand, many would argue he did not even attempt the big structural reforms that would make America less class divided. The cruder version of this charge is that he remained, in the final analysis, besotted to the same belief in finance and globalisation that had produced the crisis in the first place. But in Obama’s case, the caution seemed to express a deeper sensibility; the sense that the panacea radical change promised could turn out to be much more uncertain and fraught.
Obama always displayed a keen sense of the limits of our ability to shape the world. It might be easy to overstate the importance of a fragment Obama wrote on T.S. Eliot as a young man. But the literary critic, Edward Mendelson’s gloss on that fragment does seem to get Obama right. Mendelson wrote, “Eliot’s conservatism is instead a tragic, fatalistic vision of a world that cannot be reformed in the way that liberalism hopes to reform it; it is a fallen world that can never repair itself, that can never repair itself, but needs to be redeemed.” Obama, in that fragment, seems to express sympathy with elements of this fatalism. In fact, fatalism seems to be an almost necessary condition for achieving the kind of objectivity and self-clarity Obama achieved. But it also predisposed him to incrementalism. His resounding cry “Yes, we can” carried the whisper “so long as we are cautious.” Obama’s studied reticence on the question of race always infuriated critics. As Cornel West, a bitter critic on the Left, in what might be a summation of Obama’s political style once put it, “Obama was above the fray, he was never in the fray.” This has to be the most difficult of political questions for Obama: Given the depth of racial animosity, it is hard to second guess whether more outspokenness would have achieved more or less, politically. But his cool objectivity seemed something of an affront to all sides. To those suffering it sublimated oppression into analysis; to racists it seemed infuriating because it did not take the bait. The structure of the problem remained intact.
The sense of the tragic complexities of power pervaded Obama’s thinking of international relations. His ascent to office was marked by the expectation that he would exemplify the limits of power: Limiting the hubris of what America could achieve in the world, limiting executive power, and restoring America’s credibilityin the conduct of war. As he had indicated in his Nobel address, he had something of the same sense of fatalism and tragedy about international politics that Reinhold Niebuhr did: The attempts to limit power also have their limitations. He got criticised for not trying hard enough on Guantanamo and use of executive power more generally. His misjudgements on Russia, Libya, and Syria left a deeply fraught legacy. It has also left America and the world confused about how much of the power of the American example does indeed depend on its exercise of power. Obama’s humility was to understand, almost professorially, the limits of what leaders can do. It was a philosophy of anti-hubris. It combined high moral clarity with a pessimism about instruments of change. That combination could not withstand an age clamouring for more, and willing to risk hubris. A great president also left a great moral storm. Whether it is because America did not deserve him or he was not up to the task, history will decide.

The writer is president, CPR Delhi and contributing editor, ‘The Indian Express’

 

Source: Indian Express, 17/01/2017

Nov 25 2014 : The Times of India (Delhi)

Being in power can change the way you speak, says study

Washington PTI





Being in a position of power can fundamentally change the way you speak, altering basic acoustic properties of your voice, a new study has found.“Our findings suggest that whether it’s parents attempting to assert authority over unruly children or negotiations between heads of states, the sound of voices involved may profoundly determine the outcome of those interactions,” said psychological scientist Sei Jin Ko of San Diego State University.
The researchers were inspired by former UK prime minister Margaret Thatcher to investigate the relationship between acoustic cues and power. “It was quite well known that Thatcher had gone through extensive voice coaching to exude a more powerful persona,” said Ko.
In the first experiment, researchers recorded 161 college students reading a passage aloud. The participants were then randomly assigned them to play a specific role in an ensuing negotiation exercise.
The researchers found that the voices of students assigned to high-power roles tended to go up in pitch, become more monotone, and become more variable in loudness than the voices of students assigned low-power roles. In second experiment, a separate group of college students were able to pick up on these power-related vocal cues to determine who did and did not have power.

10 TIPS FOR EMAIL ETIQUETTE Corbis

The digital age has made communication much easier and hassle-free, what with several apps available for mobile phone chat.However, people often forget that they have to use a more formal tone for official email correspondence, and end up peppering their emails with too many emojis and abbreviations. Here are a few tips to keep in mind when you're sending out a work email. 

1 INTRODUCTIONS ARE IMPOR1TANT:

Always introduce yourself if you are writing to someone you don't know or haven't corresponded with previously. If you've got the sender's address from a mutual friend, mention that in your email. Introducing yourself is especially important if you're sending out a survey or questionnaire to people whose addresses you have got from a database. 

2 ALWAYS RUN A SPELLCHECK:

It's important to run a spellcheck for official correspondence, especially if you're sending an email from your phone. You don't want the autocorrect feature to backfire on an official email, after all.Ensure your grammar and punctuation are correct as well. 

3 USE THE REPLY-ALL FEATURE SPARINGLY:

Use the replyall feature for an email that really needs it. If the reply is meant for only one person, just reply to himher. And don't use it to reply to a sender's greetings for the festive season -you could find yourself being blamed for starting an unnecessary email thread. 

4 USE BCC FOR GENERIC MAILS:

Use the Bcc field when you are sending out mails to a very large number of people who may not all know each other. It's also a way to ensure that all your contacts' addresses are not out there for unknown people to access them. 

5 RESTRICT THE NUMBER OF ATTACHMENTS YOU SEND:

Send heavy files via file-hosting services so that you don't clog the recipient's inbox. You could also zip files or resize pictures. If you know you're sending an email to someone who accesses hisher inbox on the phone, don't send several attachments with it. 

6 DON'T OVER-ABBREVIATE:

Don't use too many abbreviations in your email, like FYI, PFA, PDF or FYR. It may confuse the recipient, who may also get the impression that you don't have the time to type out a proper email. If you must use them, restrict it only to the subject line. 

7 FORMATTING FUNDAS:

Do not use all caps and bold fonts as this will give the recipient the impression that you are shouting at himher. The same goes for underlining in the middle of text. Don't use fancy fonts or multiple font colours, either. 

8 WATCH YOUR TONE:

Be careful about how your email reads. It may be an official email, but it should not sound too abrupt. You shouldn't sound over-friendly either.Moreover, don't send out an email if you're upset. Save it as a draft and re-read it when you're calmer. 

9 FIX YOUR FORWARDS:

Make it a point to clean up forwards before you, in turn, forward them to other people. Not only does this make the email look cleaner, but also ensures that you don't give away anyone else's email address. 

10 CHECK WHO YOU'RE SENDING AN EMAIL TO:

Always check the `To' field of an unsent email before you send it. You don't want the email being sent to the wrong person. 

WHAT EVERY OFFICIAL EMAIL SHOULD CONTAIN

SUBJECT LINE:

This is the first thing that recipients will see in their inboxes and it will determine whether they will read it or not. It should be clear and direct.SALUTATION: Always start an email by greeting the recipient by using the word `dear' followed by hisher name. If you aren't on a first-name basis with the recipient, use a title and a surname. CONCISE BODY: Get straight to the point. If you have more than one issue to address, start with the most important, and list the rest point-bypoint.SIGN OFF: Always sign off on your emails. Phrases like `yours sincerely' and `yours faithfully' are acceptable for formal emails. `Best regards' or `kind regards' work in most other situations. 

Source | Times of India | 7 November 2014

Here's The Best Way To Answer When An Interviewer Says 'Tell Me About Yourself'

"So, tell me about yourself."

It's one of the most ubiquitous interview questions, and often one of the most difficult. With such a wide breadth of possible answers, it can be overwhelming to know where to start.

Hint: If your go-to response includes a run-down of where you grew up or what you studied in college, you've probably already lost your interviewer.

While the hiring manager does want to get to know you, at this point they are only focused on figuring out if you're the right person for the job - and your most critical task is showing them that you are, writes Skip Freeman, the CEO of executive search group Hire to Win, in a recent LinkedIn post.

To prevent hurting your chances before the interview even warms up,Freeman breaks down this question into a simple three-part response that will hook the interviewer without inundating them with unnecessary details. Here's his technique:

·         Part 1: Start with a condensed version of your career history. Try and keep it as concise as possible, Freeman suggests.

·         Part 2: Next, give a brief summary of a specific achievement to capture the interviewer's interest. "It must be an accomplishment that can easily be explained and/or illustrated," Freeman says. "Plus, it must also highlight a 'bottom-line' impact for the potential employer."

·         Part 3: Conclude with a few definitive sentences about what you hope to accomplish next in your career - but make sure it's relevant to the position you're interviewing for, Freeman warns.

Here's an example from Freeman of a good one-minute response:

"I am a five-year veteran of LAN/WAN administration and systems engineering, with substantial experience using a variety of contemporary business software systems.

"Recently, as a long-term contract employee at a local regional bank, I learned that the bank was about to install a particular software system and was planning to use an outside firm for the project. I let them know that I had done a similar installation at my last assignment, outlined how we could get the job done with in-house staff, and successfully completed the installation for $55,000 to $65,000 less than it would have cost with outside consultants.

"For the next step in my career, I would like to move away from contract work and find myself as a direct employee of a large firm where I can join a substantial IT team and be involved with a group that focuses on email and network security applications, while having access to the knowledge base that would come with a large, diverse IT group."

Instead of giving the hiring manager a broad overview of who you are, show why you'd be a great fit for the position. "You will clearly and quickly brand yourself as a true professional, someone who knows the value of what you have to offer a potential employer," Freeman says.

Flip side of success

They always want to be at the top and pay heavily for it. What can overachievers do to handle the pressure?

They are the students who stay back after class and bombard their teacher with a million doubts. They spend all their time with their noses stuck in a textbook, preparing relentlessly for exams that are months away. Always ahead of their class, they are proud and vulnerable at the same time, pushing themselves to succeed. The fear of failure is their worst nightmare and they do all they can to avoid it. But what happens when overachievers fail?

From the time children are first admitted to schools, the system teaches them to strive only for the top position. Anything less is unacceptable. Caught between the pressure from school, family and their own expectations, achievers often lead isolated lives. Sriram Naganathan, the southern India coordinator for IGNUS ERG, an initiative that aims at improving the quality of education from pre-school to upper primary levels, talks about keeping ‘the top slot’. “Everyone aims for the top slot, whether it is in academics or in life. It is a question of competing to win a prize. The problem is that once someone gets into that slot, any move side-ways or below is not allowed. It is as if he has to hold on to it for life,” he explains. Quoting a psychiatrist friend in Mumbai, who told his son never to come first in school, Sriram says: “He said it was enough to have the confidence that one can top if necessary. The immediate effect of success is performance anxiety and children don’t have the psychological maturity to handle it.”

For most achievers who have spent some time in the limelight, it becomes difficult to become a part of the pack again. Success becomes not only their permanent goal but also their identity. “The problem begins with anxiety and ends in depression,” says counselling psychologist Vasuki Mathivanan. “If the achiever is able to cope up with a negative situation and look at resolving it, then it is alright. But most of them don’t know how to handle their emotions. So, when they don’t succeed, they take it personally and think they are a failure. These children have high levels of motivation; but when they face failure, they feel very inadequate and vulnerable. This puts them under a lot of pressure.”

In colleges too, achievers often end up bearing the brunt of expectations, says Vidya Padmanabhan, assistant professor at the department of journalism at MOP Vaishnav College for Women. “ During teamwork, they are expected to step up and fill the gaps left by the underperformers. Whether it is to photocopy notes or to perform an administrative task for the class, teachers invariably turn to them,” she says. And on occasions when they slip up, even the most well-intentioned teacher tends to say, “I did not expect this of you.”

Fingers in every pie

She also points out that these students want to be a part of everything — being the president of the drama club, English club and the department club, while taking Spanish and violin lessons, besides, of course, academic work. Naturally, they are unavailable for one or the other activity at some crucial moments, which can create a bad impression. “I have seen instances of high-achieving students being so emotionally fragile that they would end up in tears if they were told they did not answer a particular question properly in an exam. There are, of course, exceptional high-achievers who are able to manage everything perfectly, but, as the saying goes, it's lonely at the top,” she says.

Most of these achievers are willing to give up their social lives in order to stay there. “Overexerting one-self may come at a social cost. For instance, a student may be unable to join her friends for a movie because she is committed to delivering an assignment on deadline. It is a price she may be willing to pay,” says Vidya. Sriram agrees, “The social problems aren’t long-term. But in school, these children lose out on the pleasures of childhood. There is a trade-off between success and happiness, and if you have to succeed, you have to bear with it. ”

Vasuki talks about the role a parent must play in these situations. “There are some clear symptoms when you see that the stress is getting to them. When this happens, the parent must play the role of an encourager and not a disciplinarian. These children know praise but not encouragement. Teach them to have SMART goals — specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-bound,” she says. To this, Vidya adds, “I would say allowing yourself to fail occasionally gives you a breather from the feverish expectations of others and allows you to focus your attention and talent on what really matters to you. As they say, don't sweat the small stuff.”

Keywords: overachievers, school students, students stress issues, extra-curricular activities

Jul 28 2014 : Mirror (Pune)

`Students need to innovate'

Sandip.Dighe @timesgroup.com TWEET @ThePuneMirror





In an interaction with school students, sr NASA scientist Goutam Chattopadhyay spoke of looking beyond marks

In a unique interactive session, 50 school students spent part of their Sunday with NASA senior scientist Goutam Chattopadhyay, at the National Chemical Laboratory's (NCL) Innovation Park in Pashan.The talk, organised by NCL under their Science Outreach Programme, saw students from Vidya Valley School, Vidyapratishthan, Baramati and other city-based schools in eager attendance.
Chattopadhyay, who was also part of the team that built Curiosity, the first rover that was sent to Mars in 2011, has been associated with Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL), NASA since 1999.
The most common question asked was the fundamentals of becoming a rocket scientist.
“Mathematics, Science, Art, History and Computer Skills are important, but you also need passion, along with curiosity and an unerring nose for questioning,” Chattopadhyay said.
Students were inspired by the talk. Amey Shirke who studies in Class IX at Vidyapratishthan School, Baramati, said, “I learnt so much from today’s talk, and would like to explore being a scientist. Also, I didn’t have a very clear idea of how Curiosity landed on Mars, but there was a video shown as part of the programme, which helped.” Ninad Gadhe, a teacher who accompanied students to the session, lauded the interaction, saying such
events help students develop an interest in science and research. “Our students attend similar programmes every month. Many of them have changed their approach towards science and are thinking seriously about doing research in the future,” he said.Speaking to Mirror, Chattopadhyay outlined the difference between academic systems in the US and India. “In the USA, undergraduate students get to do research, whereas Indian tend to focus on marks. As a result, their
minds are not open to innovative ideas which can be used in research.India should encourage science at the school level,” he said “We have very good institutes such as the IITs, and highly intelligent students, but the lack of leadership in academics is a problem,” he added.
Chattopadhyay also expressed his curiosity about Mangalyaan — India’s first spacecraft to Mars. “I am excited about Mangalyaan. Even if the mission isn’t 100 per cent successful, it is still a big achievement,” he said.

Jun 17 2014 : The Times of India (Delhi)

Let's ruin your mood

Bikram Vohra





Look your hair's all gone. Yes, i needed you to tell me that So, iam standing at this party like one of those shabby relatives at a rich man's wedding, a little out of place, a little awed by the opulence and wondering why i can't be home reading a book when this half stranger, like most people in our lives, walks up to me and says, ha, fancy meeting you here (which is rude enough) and then he adds, my, my, we are doing well, look how fat you have become, after which he proceeds to poke my stomach.
Go away , you horrible little man, where do you get off being so personal?
Attack mode is not only fashionable, the damn thing never goes out of season. I would have truly thought it's rare, like i would think twice before making physical remarks. Obviously i live on another planet.There are the ones who hit you with concern; migoodness, i am so worried about you, what have you done to yourself, no way , you have really put on the pounds. The ones who make a mystery of it: I saw you and i said, no, that can't be you know who, she looks twice her size, wo, you are living it up. What about the medical approach: hey , i am worried about you, little tummy there and it has gone to your hips, slow down, you know not good for you...at your age.
Then there are the ones who make it into a collective Broadway musical: hey everyone, would you believe this is Bik, look at him, hasn't he really ballooned...say whattt!! Not to mention the ones who cannot conceal their glee: Boy , you have sure let yourself go, you are literally bloated, and you look twice your age. The fake ones: you look lovely , just a little wee bit, teensy weensy little love handle, darling.
Look at you, your hair's all gone. Yes, i need you to tell me that, i came here this evening because i know there is this huge Texas-sized bald patch on the top of my head but i thought i need your confirmation and thank you so much for setting me straight, now i have the seal of approval on my lost hair, ergo, the evening has not been a total waste.
You have bags under your eyes. I have what? Bags, big brown bags under both your eyes. Oh, i thought you said i had bags under my eyes. I did. Isn't that none of your business? Oh, come on, smile, chill out, no wonder you have the bags, you are stressed. I would be a lot less stressed if i could whack you across the face.
Why are we all so fascinated by other people's weight and why do we believe they want us to comment on it? Don't they know the darn diet didn't work, don't they know they are struggling to drop those 10 pounds, you think they are so stupid they don't know they will never be size 8 again, they need to dress up to come to a party, find car parking space, bring a recycled gift so you can tell them.
Truly, this happened to me last week. Along comes this lady and she says, i haven't seen you of years. And i say, true. And she says, i saw you from far and i said no, it can't be him, he looks too grey and haggard. Fooled you, lady, it isn't me, it's a mask, see, this is the young real me, eureka, go leap off the balcony, you cow.
People love to hurt. They dress in the evenings and they carry a quiverful of poisoned darts which they then deploy to enjoy themselves by making other people uncomfortable. About you, your money (lack of it) standing (lack of it) property (lack of it) your current business success (or lack of it) your inside story (which they know more about than you) and they haven't the slightest qualm about bringing it up.
So, what is it? Don't we like each other? Are we so jaded that we only get our kicks by dishing them out?