Navigating the storm

When you are overwhelmed by despair, reach out to people around you for support.

The taste of victory is sweet, and for the scores of students across the country waiting with bated breath for their results, it was a time for celebration. Images of students shedding tears of joy and sporting sunny smiles were splashed across various media streams. The smiles were a culmination of burning the midnight oil, intense preparation and guidance from a community of teachers and concerned family members.

What remained invisible is the other side of this rosy picture. An army of students who had not made it, either failing to make the grade or not meeting their own high standards of self-created images of excellence. The taste of failure is bitter and seeps deep within, the hurt magnified by the mirror of one’s own judgment.

Facing reality

Sushmita (name changed) was mortified when the results were announced. She had failed most subjects, and watching her own friends celebrate their results was painful. To console the young lady, many of us tried to help by speaking to her about her options to show her that no door is ever permanently closed.

However, through her tears she candidly told us, “Please allow me to cry… I am in no mood for solutions and happy endings.” It was a lesson for all of us who had guided and formed close bonds with this student. We slowly realised that we ourselves needed to face the discomfort and pain of having one of our students not meet expectations. In a small way, we felt collectively responsible for her and while our intentions were good, we were not giving her the time and space to feel and come to terms with her own conflicted feelings. We asked her to reach out when she was ready. Three weeks later, Sushmita came to us ready to look at her options.

After a series of brainstorming sessions, she decided to retake her exams as a private candidate and pursue her passion for music by working in a music shop as an assistant. Five years later, it was a pleasure to meet her again. She had found her calling and was waiting to head overseas for a music course sponsored by the shop she worked in. Looking back, she said she felt gratitude for the experience of facing uncertainty and was sure that this would help her in her life ahead.

To completely face the unpleasant is strength, and for students who are going through periods of uncertainty, know that, however clichéd it sounds, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Reaching out to the people around you for support, or seeking help from a counsellor if you feel you are being handicapped by your sense of despair, will open windows to change which you never thought was possible.

Bittersweet

One of the ways to garner strength is to read the life stories of people who have navigated through periods of storm and sunshine, or spending time with people from your own family and neighbourhoods who have inspired you.

Imagine your dreams of becoming a lawyer curtailed by circumstances of a world war and financial poverty. When my ninety-year-old uncle shared stories from his past, his sense of humour and his way of looking at his own tapestry of life experiences was an eye opener and provided a glimpse into a world which seems so alien from to own. While he could not continue his education, he pursued his passion for learning in various other ways. He had no remnants of bitterness about not getting what he desired but always saw the blessings that his unplanned life brought in good measure. He had encountered people who had betrayed him and lifted him, death and birth, loss and gain, and when asked for advice, with a twinkle in his eye, asked us not to listen to advice but know that all is always well! Treat the two imposters — success and failure — just the same, he would tell us, paraphrasing the famous line in Kipling’s poem “If.”

In many traditions, when a baby is born, a mixture of neem and jaggery is offered, to signify tasting both the bitter and the sweet. For those of you, who are only swallowing bitterness, know that this too shall pass (pun intended)! Trust in the experience completely, reach out your hands for help when you are ready and take a deep breath, chanting the mantra, “All is well.”

This bittersweet symphony called life is the greatest gift you can receive. All the best in your journey.