What Is It That Makes A Good Person?
Binaifer Dulani
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I recently took an `Are you a good person?' online test. It came with a statutory warning that this test might change my worldview about myself. I took it anyway. Had i ever lied, taken anything that didn't belong to me, looked at anyone with a feeling of lust? Yes. Yes. And yes.Different charges were levied on me based on God's word in different scriptures. By the end of the test i should have felt pretty sad about failing the `good person' test and immediately signed up for those religious readings; but funnily that didn't happen and soon one thing became very clear to me.We are all striving to be the best version of ourselves. And our best version will always be seen through our own lens. Sure, the Bible may say `Never take God's name in vain' or the Bhagwad Gita might say, `People who prepare food for a personal sense of enjoyment, verily eat only sin' but honestly, i don't see much wrong with either. And that's why the scriptures may often fail to guide our path because we can only internalise so much without reasoning with it.
How do i ensure a `good' upbringing for my child when what makes a good person itself is punctuated with a host of discrepancies? By drawing parallels? Sure. But even saintly people like Gandhiji would somewhere fall short. He heralded the nation to freedom with his values of ahimsa and satyagraha but he also stole from his family a father figure to become the nation's father. I could surely expose my child to the right kind of stimuli movies and music. But then again the social fabric of society itself is so fragile. While frugality was once revered, today it is materialism live a good life they say, value what has been bestowed upon you. Or do what parents have done for generations; exposed their kids to mythology and let the gods and goddesses do the job. But i wouldn't want my kid to grow up thinking that giving his wife an `agnipariksha' is accep table. Or going through with it is the right thing either.
Fact is, we can aim to be a good person only within the context of our own lives. A daughter who once had a toxic relationship with her mother can aim to be a good person only by learning from it and ensuring a healthy relationship with her own kid. And that's why awareness is what makes a person, a good person.
Every mistake we commit and learn from is a leap forward in our spiritual growth. However, it is easy to get lost in a web of unhealthy coping mechanisms. By turning to rationalisation for comfort `What i'm doing to my daughter is what even i went through with my mother and that's just how mother-daughter relationships work' when you forget all the pain you endured and normalise it, because processing it is too difficult is when you aren't making the progression towards being a good person.
There will never be a perfect formula to be a good person. But if there was one it would surely be awareness.Think of all the actions of others that have made you feel positive and those that have disconcerted you. Make it a point to indulge in the former.
How do i ensure a `good' upbringing for my child when what makes a good person itself is punctuated with a host of discrepancies? By drawing parallels? Sure. But even saintly people like Gandhiji would somewhere fall short. He heralded the nation to freedom with his values of ahimsa and satyagraha but he also stole from his family a father figure to become the nation's father. I could surely expose my child to the right kind of stimuli movies and music. But then again the social fabric of society itself is so fragile. While frugality was once revered, today it is materialism live a good life they say, value what has been bestowed upon you. Or do what parents have done for generations; exposed their kids to mythology and let the gods and goddesses do the job. But i wouldn't want my kid to grow up thinking that giving his wife an `agnipariksha' is accep table. Or going through with it is the right thing either.
Fact is, we can aim to be a good person only within the context of our own lives. A daughter who once had a toxic relationship with her mother can aim to be a good person only by learning from it and ensuring a healthy relationship with her own kid. And that's why awareness is what makes a person, a good person.
Every mistake we commit and learn from is a leap forward in our spiritual growth. However, it is easy to get lost in a web of unhealthy coping mechanisms. By turning to rationalisation for comfort `What i'm doing to my daughter is what even i went through with my mother and that's just how mother-daughter relationships work' when you forget all the pain you endured and normalise it, because processing it is too difficult is when you aren't making the progression towards being a good person.
There will never be a perfect formula to be a good person. But if there was one it would surely be awareness.Think of all the actions of others that have made you feel positive and those that have disconcerted you. Make it a point to indulge in the former.
