The Digital Age & The Loss Of Friendship
Homayun Taba
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Voicing my concern about the impact of digital and online com munication on physical or face-to face-interactions, a therapist friend, from whom i was expecting better understanding, surprised me by cynically asking: “So, you are `into relationships'?“ Another friend hardly ever responds to calls these days, only to texting. His message is: get to the point. As if there are no times when in dialogue one needs inputs to gradually articulate thought and feelings.This get-to-the point syndrome indicates patience-fatigue, where engagement with others feels exceedingly exhausting. Genuine contacts are being replaced by instant messaging and texting. Yet, such unavailability takes its toll on relationships; many of these same people complaining that though there is so much `contact' there is too little `connection'. Shouldn't this indicate that something is not right?
A good thing about this 247 hyperconnected space is that it addresses the tyranny of distance; now you can easily contact anyone anywhere at little or no cost. But it has also affected those living in the same city or even in the same locality who would rather message than meet, rather state than listen.
Driven by a succession of preoccupations, people do promise to meet for a relaxed time together, but that doesn't happen for weeks or months o ever.
It was not long ago that one met over a cup of tea or coffee, chatted and parted feeling fulfilled. In such face-to-face encounters one could observe nuances of feeling and re spond, or even be contradicted for having misread the situation; a single glance could encompass an entire canvas of feelings. While true that `all things must change to something new, to something strange', the strangeness now is sadly estranging. Often communication is through a set of `emoticons'; cute but devoid of any real emotive resonance, leaving one at best clueless, at worst cold or simply irritated.
More and more people are finding this trend quite acceptable and are unaware of the resulting contracting sense of relatedness, or the understanding that something is receding from us. And when one raises concern over this, the answer, stated or not, is `who has time for talking?' or `this is how things are like it or not'.
In hectic times like ours, it is vital to slow down, create pauses in one's busyness and encourage a saner pace of life by being present and spending an hour or two of quality time, sharing and relating and savouring togetherness. These exchanges and deep relating are known to enrich understanding, and can help in toning down negativity .
Sherry Turkle, psychologist and sociologist at MIT who has for 30 years studied how people react and adapt to new technologies that change the way we communicate, in her book, `Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age', argues that over-reliance on new modes of communication is negatively affecting our ability to have face-toface conversation, “the most human thing we do“, by splitting our attention and “diminishing our capacity for empathy“.
Philosopher Seneca's words remind us: Nothing delights the mind so much as fond and loyal friendship ... where one is less afraid to share knowledge of something than to keep it to oneself. We all need those “whose advice helps you make up your mind, whose cheerfulness dissolves your sorrow, whose very appearance cheers you up“.
A good thing about this 247 hyperconnected space is that it addresses the tyranny of distance; now you can easily contact anyone anywhere at little or no cost. But it has also affected those living in the same city or even in the same locality who would rather message than meet, rather state than listen.
Driven by a succession of preoccupations, people do promise to meet for a relaxed time together, but that doesn't happen for weeks or months o ever.
It was not long ago that one met over a cup of tea or coffee, chatted and parted feeling fulfilled. In such face-to-face encounters one could observe nuances of feeling and re spond, or even be contradicted for having misread the situation; a single glance could encompass an entire canvas of feelings. While true that `all things must change to something new, to something strange', the strangeness now is sadly estranging. Often communication is through a set of `emoticons'; cute but devoid of any real emotive resonance, leaving one at best clueless, at worst cold or simply irritated.
More and more people are finding this trend quite acceptable and are unaware of the resulting contracting sense of relatedness, or the understanding that something is receding from us. And when one raises concern over this, the answer, stated or not, is `who has time for talking?' or `this is how things are like it or not'.
In hectic times like ours, it is vital to slow down, create pauses in one's busyness and encourage a saner pace of life by being present and spending an hour or two of quality time, sharing and relating and savouring togetherness. These exchanges and deep relating are known to enrich understanding, and can help in toning down negativity .
Sherry Turkle, psychologist and sociologist at MIT who has for 30 years studied how people react and adapt to new technologies that change the way we communicate, in her book, `Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age', argues that over-reliance on new modes of communication is negatively affecting our ability to have face-toface conversation, “the most human thing we do“, by splitting our attention and “diminishing our capacity for empathy“.
Philosopher Seneca's words remind us: Nothing delights the mind so much as fond and loyal friendship ... where one is less afraid to share knowledge of something than to keep it to oneself. We all need those “whose advice helps you make up your mind, whose cheerfulness dissolves your sorrow, whose very appearance cheers you up“.
