The Daughter Disadvantage
Fairer system of parental care would lead to more equality in families.
A few weeks after I was born, my father travelled to Japan for work for a month. My mother packed her bags and baby, and headed to the cool hills of Darjeeling, to the warmth of her mother’s home and to the magic of her love.
I remember nothing of that time, but in the 25 years since, my maternal grandmother, my nani, has always been there for my mother, my younger brother and me. We saw her during summer vacations. We were nourished on her love and her lamb kebabs, the best in the world.
This special relationship between mothers and daughters, two women actively working on maintaining a relationship, pays huge dividends to relevant grandchildren in terms of food, devotion and love. I have lived that experience. As a daughter, and as a granddaughter.
Yet, despite the strength of this bond, when it comes to practical matters, my maternal grandparents rely more on their son.
world. One where parents have similar expectations from their sons and from their daughters, and divide their time living with children equally between them. In such a world, parents would invest in their daughters to be financially independent and expect support from them, no longer relying only on sons. Daughters-in-law wouldn’t have to forego their relationships with their own mothers. Daughters would have more support from their parents in juggling careers and children. Grandchildren would get the best of all grandparents.
A fairer system of dependence would forge healthier interdependence. I wish that all Indian parents expected more from their daughters.
That, if anything, will help make our families and societies more equal, and ensure that no child in a giant family tree has to miss out on kebabs stuffed with love.
Indian Express, 22/07/2019
