the speaking tree - How to Say `No'

CHANDER GUPTA





In an oral communication, one is both a speaker and listener in turn. Generally , we tend to speak more and listen less though the vice versa is more conducive for smooth communication. Even though there is a proclivity more for speaking rather than listening, it does not automatically mean that we are more skilled in speaking.In reality, we are deficient not just in listening but in speaking too, notwithstanding our fondness for speaking more than desired. Now, when we speak, what comes out is a combination of text and tone. Speech has two components: vocal and verbal. The vocal part carries primary impact on the listener rather than the verbal part even though the speaker will remain oblivious to the tone.
We focus on enhancing our verbal skills -by improving our vocabulary and grammar -but do not fine-tune our vocals. Though we might be choosing our words carefully , our tone gives away the dissonance. Even the flawless verbal can't camouflage the discordant vocal. Our mind is trained for choosing what we say , hardly for how we say what we say .
This deficiency becomes pronounced when we have to say `no'. The impact of a verbal `no' is accentuated many times if accompanied by the negative vocal. When we are bent upon saying `no' -out of our conviction and belief or if rules do not allow to say `yes' -we utter that `no' with a vehemence that might sound rude. Most of us succumb to this failing. Our tone should mitigate the impact of -though we have all the justification for -saying `no'.