Parenthood by adoption is not a second choice

Adoption Week for many countries including India has just ended. It’s a particularly poignant time for my family as we celebrate on November 28 a year since our adopted daughter came home.

The past two years has seen both Deepak Kumar, Central Adoption Resource Authority (CARA) secretary/CEO, and Maneka Gandhi, minster for women and child development, demand that adoptions of Indian children be increased. There are currently 10,000 registered PAPs (prospective adoptive parents) with only 1,500 children available for adoption. At least 2,000 are waiting to be declared by CWCs (child welfare committees) eligible for adoption.

Adoption is still a sensitive subject in India. For many it is the last option to have a child after fertility treatment has failed, and those choosing it can face opposition from family, friends and society – after all, aren’t blood ties the strongest and most important in terms of a family? In India, culture and tradition also give a great deal of importance to blood lines. But to give a child a home, a life and love is the greatest gift of all and for which the giver is rewarded many times over.

A recent meeting in Pune brought together professionals, adoptive parents, adoptive children and birth parents to participate in a conference, Understanding Adopted Children.

Eminent professor Nilima Mehta, author of Ours by choice, spoke on the importance of support and counselling for all involved in adoption. Effective pre-adoption counseling is essential to help people make an informed choice. Her lecture resonated on many levels, but the two phrases that have stayed with me? “Adoption is a relationship of choice, just like marriage” and “Parenthood by adoption is not a second choice”.

For me adopting my daughter was not a second choice, and I had always wanted to add to our family in this way, but for our wider families, it was a challenge to accept this. Now a year on, our daughter’s journey to us is part of our family story. I am often contacted by friends of friends to ask about the process and how we did.

A couple at the conference who had given up their daughter for adoption spoke and I found it an eye-opener to listen to their story. It is all too easy to condemn such people as irresponsible but that is a simplistic response. Somewhere there is a couple that gave my daughter her birth, just as we now give her life. They should not be judged by different yardsticks to the ones applied to parents who go in for adoption as a choice.

I am often asked what I will tell our daughter about her adoption. The answer is I need to tell her very little as we are bringing her up to know she is adopted. Adoption is not an easy choice, but it has to be done out of love for it is a connection as strong as any made by blood.

Annie Natarajan is an education consultant

source: Hindustan Times, 25-11-2016